These curtains... I need to pause here, undo my bow tie, light a cigarette, say thanks to the waitress as she hands me a Martini, and then sit sideways on the high stool... Pausing is good. Pausing is great when you have a Martini. You can look down into it, swirl it around and say, "You know..." It's even better when you have a cigarette in the other hand, so you can stop in the middle of a sentence to take a long drag from that. It's even better still if you're Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett. And it's better again if you're whichever one of them is still alive. Faking a heart attack is good when you've paused for just about as long as you possibly can with the Martini and the cigarette. It's only believable when you're still alive.

But anyway, these curtains... Those Russians (-insert the story about those Russians). The Russians were actually very nice, even though they insisted that I give back the hamster and do the impersonation of Chekhov I said I could do. But then I got the idea of asking the Russians to pretend that they were The Corrs, so I didn't have to hide behind the curtains from those people who were waiting to meet The Corrs. And the Russians agreed to do it because they're so nice.

Band: The Jimmy Cake.

The Jimmy Cake are a group of musicians (and a few of Ireland's finest young composers) and they sound like... If I was in a pausing contest with Frank Sinatra I still wouldn't have enough time to come up with a way of describing their sound, but they're very good. Carol Keogh on Claus.com said, "The Jimmy Cake can best be described as a kind of prandial refreshment containing sweet things like chocolate, sharp things like lemon and traces of nut." I don't know if that's the best way to describe them, but it's much better than my pausing with Frank Sinatra.

Website:

http://thejimmycake.net

You can listen to some of their music in the 'Releases' section of their website. Or just go here:

www.3hive.com/2006/02/the_jimmy_cake.php

The Russians are still insisting that I give back the hamster and do my Chekhov impersonation. I don't know how long I can hold them off by looking into my Martini, but they don't mind waiting as long as the waitress keeps their drinks topped up. If I didn't have to think about the hamster, I'm sure I'd be wondering where the waitress came from.