I won the lottery. It's in my van. My vocal coach keeps telling me to stop saying that.
I ate some magic beans that doubled my brain power. I started a rock school. Most of the students were people who believe in leprechauns and leprechauns who sat on their shoulders saying, "Yes, you're right to believe in leprechauns. Well done. Well done. Because some people don't believe in leprechauns, but you're right to believe. You're absolutely right to believe. And they're so wrong. So well done. I think you're great to believe in leprechauns." And they eventually say, "Who are you?" Most of the classes were taken up with people listening to the leprechauns on their shoulders tell them how great they are. But I ruined it all when I wrote a song called 'There's a women's prison in my soul'. That's one of the side-effects of the beans.
"Stop saying that too."
They make other bands look as if they're robots operated by particularly boring mice.
All around the world, flowers, a play, diesel, dieeeeeesel, waterfalls and wooden houses.
They say I put too much emphasis on 'diesel'.
I had business cards made for my spoons. It says they're Shakespearean actors. Or that's what it was supposed to say, but because of a mis-print it just says they're spoons. They still got jobs as Shakespearean actors.
Personally I think they put too much emphasis on 'spoons' when they say 'we're spoons', but no one says a word about that.
Singer: Emm Gryner.
Album: Songs of Love and Death.
She's Canadian, but she's done an album of songs by Irish artists, such as Gilbert O'Sullivan, Therapy? and Thin Lizzy. She makes most other Canadian singer-songwriters sound as if music is something they accidentally make when they're trying to get a cat to wear a little cowboy hat.
My neighbour was supposed to write a review of a brick, but she just glued gold stars to it. "You're supposed to put the stars in the review," I said. "I'm an expert on these things."
She put one star on my forehead and put at least fifty on the brick. When the spoons came home from their debut performance they were covered in stars. They said this was the critical response to their debut performance. I tried to hide my one star.
I've got my own TV series and people are saying I'm the next Sopranos, ow! stop shooting me. I'm supposed to say something about the wall and... the wall and the people with the things, and the box the things came in, and maybe if I close my eyes this sentence wil go away and when I open them again the dog will have run away with my glasses and I'll say, 'You're always trying to steal my glasses,' and laugh, and a vampire will be swaying from side to side on a swing with Melanie, and she'll be very tempted to go away with him.
It's time to open the eyes again. This 'closing my eyes' thing is very useful. I can think of lots of sentences that would be much more bearable if I couldn't see them. I wonder where the dog, my glasses and Melanie are.
Band: Stanley Super 800.
Another Cork band. They make most other bands sound as if they've been spending more time trying to get their wigs to eat food than on their music.
Rabbits. The last sentence was supposed to end with the words 'are great', but that's so last sentence. Squirrels are in this sentence, or no, that was the last sentence. This sentence it's post boxes. That was actually the sentence before the last one. Rabbits will come back in eventually, though.
I found a type writer in a field and the leprechauns threw it at my head.
"You didn't find it at all. We threw it at your head." That's what they said.
I was wearing sunglasses and Buddy Holly told me I looked stupid, but he's not really Buddy Holly. "I never said I was Buddy Holly."
I don't care - I stole Buddy Holly's gold.
Band: The Radio.
The Radio are great. Snails are rubbish compared to The Radio. Stephen M from Rollerskate Skinny is a member of the band.