Lucille Ball meets Sartre.
"Hello, I'm Sartre. Who are you?"
"I'm Lucille Ball. What do you do?"
"I'm a philosopher. What are you?"
"I'm a philosopher too."

This was my idea for a TV show. You have to guess how long it'll take Sartre to realise that Lucille Ball is not a philosopher and dead. My guess is never because he's dead too. But one of the TV executives said he'd have to shoot me in the foot. I was able to get away while he was getting his gun, and he missed anyway.

Music. Sound. New Coldplay single. Apples. Yeah, apples. Don't tell me I didn't mean to say apples. No, do tell me.
Yeah well you're wrong.
This song reminds me of apples. And old Coldplay singles. Don't tell me I meant to say 'old Coldplay singles' when I said apples. No, do tell me.
Get off my horse. Don't tell me I don't have a horse or I'll shoot my horse.
Donkey, shoot my horse.
Donkey looks concerned. He'll probably miss anyway.