Made by my head

Hello again

2009-01-13T03:49:00.000-08:00

This blog has been left untended for a long time now. There are a few good Irish bands around, but not enough of them are better than being poked in the eye by a robot. Maybe I'll start posting on this blog again one day, but in the meantime you can have a look at my latest blog, Words are my favourite noises.

Music. Saso.

2006-11-04T04:40:00.000-08:00

My brain is grey. There are things in my brain. It's easy to define them as 'things' because that could be anything, but then that isn't really defining them at all. Defining is pinning them down. When I think of pinning things down I think of those things running around the noticeboard in my head, and using coloured pins to pin them to a certain point and say, "You belong at that point. Stop going over to that point and kicking that thing in the shins." But that sounds painful, especially if I'm doing it in my brain. Thinking hurts enough. There are drawers in my head, and some of the things sleep in drawers. Some of the drawers have labels. At night when they're all asleep I can read the labels and say, "That's what you are. You belong there." But they could be anywhere by day. The weather affects my head. Autumn makes me stand still and stare at things. The falling leaves provide all the movement I need. Things enter my brain when I see them. Objects in the world around me release their spirits, who possess a small space in my head, possibly moving into a drawer and displacing something else, and they think they own the place until I can stick a pin into them. Sometimes these ghosts get married in my head and have kids, and I can release the kids into the wild through words. The words 'a cow?' are the off-spring of two ideas I acquired when I was looking at an ice cream. Windows have a certain appeal and so do Martians, and knowing these things could prove useful if you're thinking about shooting a Martian. These thoughts are the children of something I saw in a box.

Band: Saso

Album: The Middle Ages

Saso are a publicity-shy band from Dublin who are loved by the critics. 'The Middle Ages' is their third album. They're better than wearing a coat. Most other bands are worse than realising that your coat isn't dead yet.

Website:

www.saso.co.uk

News. Hard Working Class Heroes.

2006-10-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

You've got a head and shoulders and knees and toes and you've got your own ants as well and they don't know what they've got. Some people want to sign their names on my arms and all I can say is 'Attack! Attack!' and that's no good until I learn how to control the bees.

Event: Hard Working Class Heroes

Hard Working Class Heroes is a showcase for unsigned and independent bands. It takes place in Dublin this weekend. On the website you can download a track from each artist. My personal favourites are Bronagh Gallagher, Pugwash, Simple Kid and The Last Post.

Website:

www.hwch.net

Lots of things are like this and that and they're like other things too, and if they weren't they'd be like snow. There has to be little boundaries that mark out things and say, "That's what you are and that's what you are and you're digging a hole in my garden, stop doing that."

Music. Duke Special.

2006-09-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

I've seen clowns do things with worms and you just have to go home to your study and think about that.

When things are good and everything is flash photography, and Little Red Riding Hood shoots things to keep you entertained, they're not going to be good for long. Locksmiths are good, and some of them have curly hair and when you see them on hills and the breeze blows through their hair you can hear what they're thinking, and which comes first, the horse or the cart? Actually, that's just what I was thinking.

Man: Duke Special

He's a singer-songwriter from Belfast. He's better than knowing who you are, or not knowing who you are if you have a habit of stealing chairs.

Website:
www.dukespecial.com

Band. Neosupervital

2006-09-09T03:47:00.000-07:00

This is the wind, and this is all worry and woe, and this weekend is when I'll close my eyes and say or whistle and you know how to whistle. I always say that when people ask me to say something.

We sing to live in song and blank out what's wrong and fill in what's blank. We eat at dinner time with bells and buzzers and you have to buzz in to say moo and bang bang you're a cow, or you were a cow, I'm not hungry. I always sing that.

Band: Neosupervital

'One man, a synth guitar, and some sharp pop tunes.' He's from Dublin. He's better than knowing how many spiders it takes to screw in a lightbulb and having more than enough spiders. Most other bands are worse than having more than enough spiders and not knowing where they are.

Website:

http://www.neosupervital.com

New name, new style. You have to change. You have to ask yourself certain questions because if you don't you'll just be someone who digs holes, and you could be someone who digs holes and asks questions, even if they're just questions about the holes.

Music. The Guggenheim Grotto.

2006-08-26T06:08:00.000-07:00

Sing, little pieces of angels. They'll sing as soon as they assemble all of their pieces. In the meantime I'm going to look at the kitchen sink, pressing buttons on a tape recorder, play and record, I'm solving a detective, or the plans, and everything is a street and everything else is a hair pin, and this is the hair pin that everything else is. I'm going to erase that from the tape.

Band: The Guggenheim Grotto

Album: ...Waltzing Alone

They might sound like a lot of other bands if you only half-listen to them, but closer inspection reveals a very distinctive band. They're better than having walls and doors in your head that keep out all the things you want to keep out and let in all the things that bring head-warming presents and say they love what you've done to your head. Most other bands are worse than walls and doors that let in most other bands.

Website:

http://www.guggenheimgrotto.com/

The alphabet can be used for two things and one of them is the same as the other. I'm going to erase that too.

Music. Revere.

2006-08-19T06:12:00.000-07:00

I got some witches to make me some feet for when I'm in space. I spy with my little eye, they made me a little eye instead.

I spend these days wearing a rain coat on the beach, catching all these little pieces of the alphabet, and some of them are words as sharp as shards of glass. You can talk to your shins or Batman's shins or your own shoulders and you can say, "I wish I was talking to Batman's shoulders." Batman's response contains too many sharp words, but it would provide a perfect link to the following line: A timeless fusion of time and something I wrote on my head and forgot about, and the sentences I write on my brain lose their 'if's and 'but's so when I say 'I can fly' I wouldn't be absolutely confident of that.

Band: Revere

They're another Cork band. They released their debut album, Modern Science, on their own label. They're better than Snow White and seven dwarves and three bears. Most other young bands are worse than one of the dwarves fighting with the small bear.

You can find them on Myspace at:

www.myspace.com/revereofficial

Music. Kila.

2006-08-12T04:52:00.000-07:00

It's all buzz and whizz and sad sad sad and lonely, never mind. Running after long nurses and never mind. They live by the sea and they hold themselves in place with sticks and endless sentences that always teeter on the edge of ending but somehow keep going and I'm a balloon. When I wasn't a balloon I was something else. The woman I met in the dust was wearing a shadow she designed herself. Mine blew away in the breeze and I missed being able to look at the ground to see what I was. If you've got something you'd like to say and you've nailed it to something you'd like to sell, you can always just turn around and face the sun, and pretend you've got a shadow behind you who's sorting everything out.

Band: Kila

Album: Kila and Oki

Kila play traditional Irish music and for this album they're joined by a Japanese musician called Oki. They're better than being able to say, "Every stinking day I get this," only if you want to say it. Most other bands are worse than having to say it every stinking day.

Website:

www.kila.ie

Music. The Blizzards.

2006-08-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

South of outstanding, north of killing rats, pleasant afternoon hours slip away and all I can do is say or say is do or hide behind a filing cabinet.

Everything you do is like the back of a truck or the front of yourself and you write in the dust on the back of a truck and that's everything you do. They've got diamonds becuz because because because. I stole their diamonds.

Band: The Blizzards.

They're from Mullingar and one of them played rugby for Leinster. I can think of at least one reason not to like them, but they're better than being able to say, "Why are there five witches examining my head?" and then realising that they're good witches who'll tell you when your head smells.

Website:

www.theblizzards.ie

There's a thorn in my storm, and you you you you you, well I'm not going to blame myself.

Music. The Answer.

2006-07-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

Looking at paintings, enfading into the evening. I found the word 'enfading' on the outside of my head and I took it inside.

Can I have this centipede? The wedding's off. I found that library book I was looking for. Stories about eyeballs or stories for eyeballs or a pointy thing I stood on and that's the story. I forget the bit about my eyeballs. People all over town are walking away into the slow slow night with their purple words and their green green heads of home, it's good to touch. I read that in the library book.

Band: The Answer.

The Answer are from Downpatrick in Northern Ireland. They're a rock band and they're better than being better than a leopard at the sort of things leopards do. Most other bands are only better than a leopard at the sort of things other bands do.

You can find them on Myspace at:

www.myspace.com/theanswerrock

Music. Waiting Room.

2006-07-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

People with twigs think America is in Limerick, and I don't know what they think the twigs are. I think goo is bad and God is good but I don't know why he has to make all this goo.

I write words on my nose and I look at my nose every time I want to talk about the twigs, Jackie and the air, San Fran-summer-cisco with a pool cue and mumbling because I can't read my own nose.

Band: Waiting Room.

They're a young band from Cork. They're better than being able to put your hand in the air and say, "I did that," and point at something you did, and win a prize for it.

Website:

www.irishmusiccentral.com/waitingroom

I'm leasing my life to the whisperers in the fields who say they'll use my life to enhance their lot a lot and dance a bit and maybe fall in love. They say a lot of other things too, and if you A is for ask me while I look at my feet and ah! whistle, don't bother asking me -- I can't read my nose.

Music. Cowboy X.

2006-07-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

Seagulls are blue and grey, and bluebells are seagulls. I don't know about daffodils. My eyes are coming home tonight.

You've got to accept that your feet are nothing and your hands are grey before you can say, "You were right about my feet and hands," but they're wrong. They snore with their heads and their hearts and some of their toes, and the rest of their toes are pigs, and they snore too.

Band: Cowboy X

Cowboy X are made up of former members of Mike TV, with Karen McCartney on lead vocals. They're better than finding some cheese at your wedding.

You can find them on Myspace at:

www.myspace.com/cowboyxmusic

Yellow, grey and brown -- that's mostly what I see. You can see those colours through the heads of people with diamond heads. You can see what they're thinking and it's nothing an appropriate pony couldn't think. Trees are what they are, and if they weren't they'd be daisies, if they were daisies, and these summer days are nothing until you can say you've lost your trousers. An inappropriate pony thought that.

Music. Messiah J and the Expert.

2006-07-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

Education is just going to school and coming back with more things in your head than you had before, and you can do that in a van too.

They said 'hooray' and 'go out of the hole' and 'get out of the corner too'. And that man was Superman but now he's in the hole again. I learnt that in a van.

Band: Messiah J and the Expert.

Most Irish hip hop peals the paint from the walls in my head. Messiah J and the Expert are painting those walls, hanging pictures, doing all the Hoovering and arranging unfortunate accidents for the mice.

Website:

www.messiahjandtheexpert.com

Hope is like a planet and you've forgotten about the apes, and it's more like despair when you see all the apes.

Music. The Divine Comedy.

2006-07-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

Some things are better than other things and other things are less than what you think they are if you think they're houses. Sometimes they're knives and forks when you're in restaurants with people who don't know who you are and if they did know who you are you'd be a wasp. She buys her nail varnish from something that hops and that's why her nail varnish smells.

Band: The Divine Comedy.

Album: Victory for the Comic Muse.

The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon and friends) have been releasing albums since the early nineties, and this latest one sounds like most of the others. You could criticise them for not changing or applaud them for sticking to what they're good at, and I'd go for the latter. They're better than being able to fix elections.

Website:

www.thedivinecomedy.com

New Zealand is down there somewhere and we're up here and I started digging that hole but then I stopped. The world is full of people who clean giants and say, "Go away."

Music. Joe Chester.

2006-06-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

A feature of today is what tomorrow will bring and will we get stuck in a barrel again. Other features of today include walking down the street, standing by the lake, getting into fights. Cabbages, they're all cabbages. That's how you get into fights. A horse is a horse is a horse, you know. That's how you know what a horse is. I don't know many things that aren't swimming in a goldfish bowl thinking they're Jesus.

Man: Joe Chester.

Album: A Murder of Crows.

He used to play guitar in Tenspeedracer. 'A Murder of Crows' is his first solo album. His new single with Gemma Hayes is called 'A Safe Place To Hide'. It's the perfect background music for walking in the sun, controlling the birds and saying, "That way. That way."

Website:

www.joechester.com

We're all sad in some ways, in one way or another, to a certain extent, with bees and things, so you should never say, "Look at me. I'm big and you're small and your dog is really a calf, and he's bigger than you."

Music. Star Little Thing.

2006-06-17T05:52:00.000-07:00

This is the way we live our lives and try to avoid red things that go 'blip' or bee things that go 'buzz' and we live in trees sometimes.

You just have to enjoy the weather and jump or skip a lot and then you fall down a hole and the army have to do something about you. Some things go like that and some things with spots on them are dogs.

Band: Star Little Thing

They're a Dublin band and they're good. They're very good. 'Lovers of Life' is the perfect background music for your brain.

You can find them on My Space at:
www.myspace.com/starlittlething

All the things in my beard have finally reached an agreement with each other and I was glad at first, but it's worse than ever when they work together. So I sold my beard to a shepherd, and I'm glad.

Music. The Ultra Montanes.

2006-06-10T05:32:00.000-07:00

We organise our lives and say, "This is where I live and this is where I work and this is where I go to say 'I've never been to me'." And that's where you go to be you, or 'me' in the case or you, and me too. Up a tree somewhere, I don't know. I don't really go anywhere. I just ponder. Although I never use the word 'ponder'. I prefer saying 'panda'.

Band: The Ultra Montanes.

They released a few great singles and an album in the late 90s. Their second album should be released in the Autumn of this year. They've spent the intervening years working on their sound in 'dank windowless rooms in variously dubious parts of central Dublin'. You can download tracks from their most recent EP, 'Dirty Blood Saved Our Town', on their website.

Website:

http://www.theultramontanes.com

The prison ship lies waiting in the bay. A badger told me. I told him about the panda, I don't know.

Music. Boss Volenti.

2006-06-03T04:11:00.000-07:00

Pele, yeah. No. I don't know.

Feet are good. You talk to your feet and you say, "Listen to me, feet, you and I are going to have a little chat." That sounds serious. I'd run away if I was my feet, and I sort of am, in a way.

Band: Boss Volenti.

They're a young Irish band. If their next single, Ain't No Use, is anything to go by, they could be 'destined for great things', as they say. 'Shetland ponies are blind' is what I normally say.

Website:

www.bossvolenti.com

Summer's here, have a little hop and a skip. I'm wearing a white doctor's coat so I won't look mad when I hop and skip and hold a thoughful turtle. The glasses make him look thoughtful.

Music. Crayonsmith.

2006-05-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

Tyres, caravans, one two three four five. Living in caravans and counting is the new being tall and pointing.

Betty's showband is not good (shake head slowly to emphasise the point). Betty's cat is not good either. He keeps staring at me in a menacing way. I wrote the words 'I'm Grey' on a window. This has nothing to do with Betty's cat, despite what Betty might tell you. She keeps saying, "What would Sting do in this situation?" I once put a bucket on my head and walked into a wall and a flowerpot fell on the bucket. She said, "Sting wouldn't have done that." I said, "Yeah, well that's why I did it." But it wasn't.

Band: Crayonsmith.

Crayonsmith is the music of Ciaran Smith. You might have seen him and his band on Deis Roc on Irish language TV. Or you might not have. They're better than standing on a van and saying 'aha!' to the people who said you couldn't out-run a pig. They're much better than living in a caravan.

Website:

http://www.crayonsmith.com

Music. Horslips.

2006-05-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

Dance. If I had a million quid for every time I heard a song about plywood, I'd still be eating cardboard in a lift.

My name is slower than pointing and saying 'which is which is which'. Diesel. "No one says 'diesel' anymore," that's what they say. Fly me to the moon and do that thing you do with pigs, I said that.

Band: Horslips.

Horslips were formed in 1970 and they split up in 1980, but they're playing together again. The term 'Celtic rock' is often used to describe their music, but Horslips are one of the few Celtic rock bands who don't believe that their feet are angels and let their feet take on most of the song-writing duties.

Website:

www.horslips.ie

Cobras. I'm very busy and important, how can I help you, go away.

Music. Stephen Hill.

2006-05-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

My caravan. Excuse me while I put on my black cloak and fake fangs and frighten the people who put the idea into my mind that I have a caravan.

Painting my door blue and my raincoat bees. I can say that in sign language. Time things on, my life in sound language, long songs that drive and fall and shh and I laugh at your patio and milk and sleep and dial the number again to start another day and another long song, a some sunner day waiting by the by and my hands. I forgot what I was going to say about my hands.

My caravan is on fire, excuse me a while.

Man: Stephen Hill.

Most singer-songwriters write songs to communicate with the people who are living on their shoulders in protest against something, but they can't remember what it is, and they're scared of the insects who have set up home on their shoulders because the insects are obviously protesting against something too, and they probably know what it is, and whatever it is it's probably going to hurt. Stephen Hill isn't one of those.

Website:

http://www.stephenhill.info

Music. Pugwash.

2006-05-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

My ears say 'ping' every time the doorbell rings. Stop saying that.

Rhythm rhymes with time if you ignore the fact that it doesn't. Sound builds rooms and opens doors and says 'bye bye' when you roll down the hill on a bike with no brakes. Yeah well up yours, I meant to roll down the hill. I knew there were no brakes on the bike. It's not even a bike, and I knew that. I'm drinking champagne, smoking cigars made out of caviar, and glamorous women are laughing at my jokes about Popeye. There's someone at the door, stop saying that.

Band: Pugwash.

Pugwash are from Dublin. They released their first album, 'Almond Tea', in 1999, and their second, 'Almanac', in 2002. They've often been compared to The Beatles and The Beach Boys. They make most other bands sound as if they put something in their ears to block out the sound of people saying, "There's no point putting something in your ears, that monkey still has your car keys."

Website:

http://www.pugwashtheband.com

Music. Sack.

2006-04-29T04:37:00.000-07:00

Piano keys and key rings, the sounds they make. This place in my head. Knock knock, who's there, I don't know, leave me alone.

Doorbells. Down driveways and out on the streets as daylight fades and night begins. A stream of words. She stares ahead, standing outside the cinema with arms folded, and she says, "Our motorbike gang is so going to beat up their motorbike gang." Words and deeds. The music in my crash helmet was really coming from my head. That cat looks funny. My head said that at the wrong time.

Band: Sack.

One of Morrisey's favourite bands. They toured with him, and he included one of their songs on a compilation CD he put together for the NME in 2004. They make most other bands sound as if they're paying too much attention to the advice of the squirrels who live on their heads.

Website:
http://www.sacktheband.net

Music. The Immediate.

2006-04-22T05:56:00.000-07:00

I went on a tour of the laboratories down the road. People in white coats conducted experiments with test tubes and smoke. "They're making a children's book," the tour guide said. We all had to duck when something exploded. When the smoked cleared, one of the men in white coats walked from the lab. His coat wasn't white any more, and he looked dazed. "It's not finished yet," the guide said.

I went to a garden party in the afternoon. There was a long table covered by a long white table cloth. An afternoon of food, drink, the song of the birds and the shadows on the lawn, a woman in a red hat slowly floating away. I took a cup of tea from the table, but just as I was about to drink it, a man in a white coat arrived and said, "I wouldn't drink that if I were you. It's not finished yet."

The shadows moved across the lawn. We looked out over the fields and someone said, "Should we have done something about the woman in the red hat who floated away?"

The day isn't finished yet either. There's still plenty of time to help her. Although there's a fair chance something will explode if we do anything. She seems happy in the tree anyway.

Band: The Immediate.

They're a new band from Dublin. They make most other new bands sound as if their only musical influence is listening to tennis.

Website:

http://www.theimmediate.tv

Music. Rocky de Valera.

2006-04-15T04:24:00.000-07:00

I autographed a box, but I accidentally wrote the name 'Dracula', and people blamed me when a greyhound fainted at a wedding. The real Dracula is learning how to throw the javellin, and it's making people very nervous.

Melanie from down the road was in a shampoo ad, and ever since then she's had an imaginary friend on her shoulder telling her how great her hair looks. He says things like, "Have you seen the way everyone is looking at your hair? I just heard someone say, 'Wow, look at her hair.'"

Dracula is following her around too, talking about how great her neck is, but he ran out of things to say fairly quickly, so he just copies what the imaginary friend on her shoulder says, like, "I just heard someone say, 'Wow, look at her neck.'"

When they were watching professional wrestling, the imaginary friend on her shoulder said, "Your hair is so shiny... Are they just acting?"

"Well of course they're acting," Dracula said. "Any idiot could see they're acting."

"Are you calling me an idiot?"

Half an hour later they were standing on the lawn. Dracula had a black eye, and his right arm was in a sling. She said to him, "He says he's sorry he said he's seen plenty of dead people who could throw the javellin further than you."

"That's okay. I'm sorry I said I'd lost toes that knew more about hair than him."

"He accepts your apology."

They went to get ice creams at an ice cream parlour in town. Dracula stole some spoons, but she wasn't very impressed by that, so he took them back.

Band: Rocky De Valera and The Gravediggers

Rocky de Valera is Ferdia Mac Anna. Eamon de Valera is dead, so he can't complain about the use of his name, but he'd be rolling over in his grave if he was still alive. The Gravediggers had a brief career in the late seventies, and they're back. My hands think they're better than having twelve fingers.

Website:

http://www.rockydevalera.com/

Music. The Plague Monkeys.

2006-04-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Standing in a valley with vague ideas of our own grandeur. We're in a valley, motionless, wearing clothes brought to life by the breeze and this is grandeur.

We'll sing a song in a pub where a traditional band play. The song we sing will be sung in Eng after our Irish attempt descends into blaming each other and fighting and tearful apologies, and the long and short of it all is very short: we're drunk again.

The English song comes to an end in the study, with a woman we met in the pub. She holds a glass of whiskey as she paces from one end of the room to the other. If the rabbit and a piece of cotton wool got mixed up in transit, and I've been looking after a piece of cotton wool for the past few weeks, who's the bigger fool? And does that question make any sense? And if not, is the answer 'I am'?

"A haze of bright colours, everything we now know (she walked to one end of the room as she said this, stopped to take a sip of her whiskey and turned around) would seem to be predicated upon (she stopped at the other wall and turned around again) the fact, which in many ways is (she has no idea what she's talking about -- it's just something to accompany the walking) I thought it was a light bulb myself."

She put the glass down and got out her cigarettes.

My Cigarette Lighter, by me. That was the play I performed. A review in the paper said the rabbit was probably with a group of people by the mouth of the river, watching the ships go by as they form a plan to break into a department store at night. The review also said that the people in the pub were talking about us in Irish, and laughing a lot.

I put down the paper. When the rabbit's owners called to collect him that morning, they asked where he was, and I said, "A haze of bright colours, everything we now know would seem to be predicated upon the fact, which in many ways is, and always has been, and will be until they discover a way to get his head out of the bucket, I thought it was a light bulb myself, and I was right."

The rabbit was standing behind me all along. I refused to turn around. I stood there, in a dignified silence to accompany the standing. The idea I have of my own grandeur is vague enough to survive being outsmarted by a rabbit.

Band: The Plague Monkeys.

Album: Surface Tension.

Maybe not a great album, but there are certainly some great songs on it, especially 'Bloomsday' and the single, 'White Feathers'. The band were often compared to The Cocteau Twins. Carol Keogh and Donal O'Mahony went on to form The Tycho Brahe, which became Tychonaut. Carol Keogh also sings with Automatta.

Click here for the band's page on Irish Music Central.

Tychonaut's website:

www.thetychobrahe.com

Music. That Petrol Emotion.

2006-04-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

Doom. Doom. Or ducks. Ducks. But the ducks have little scythes and black coats. If just one duck had the scythe and the coat, then I might be worried, but they all have them, and it's unlikely that all of them are the grim reaper.

There are long things. There are short things too. Some things are long and some are short. Some go around and around in circles. Some just build little houses and stay there until they think you've gone to the off-licence to get a bottle of vodka and a few Camel cigars because you think, "I'd look good smoking a cigar." So you buy them with the vodka, and a few hours later when you've stopped laughing at a joke about a milkman and a Great Dane, you light a cigar, lean back, and in the mirror in your mind, you look good. You look as if you could be doing this every night. The mirror doesn't show the three-legged dog you'll be looking at to pass the time tomorrow. And the little thing with its head in its house and its body sticking out is thinking, "Is he gone?" Yes, he's gone, but the ducks are still there.

Band: That Petrol Emotion.

Album: Babble.

That Petrol Emotion were formed by members of The Undertones in the mid-eighties and they split up in 1994. My hands think this album is better than having eleven fingers. The lead singer, Steve Mack, went on to form The Marfa Lights. The Undertones have re-formed, without their lead singer, Fergal Sharkey.

Fansite:

http://www.esmark.net/tpe/tpe.htm

Go home slowly, slowly go home and let the world slip away through your fingers, goodbye world...

"What are we going to do now?"

We could bring the world back and watch it slip away again. It's either that or look at the three-legged dog.

Music. The Jimmy Cake.

2006-03-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

These curtains... I need to pause here, undo my bow tie, light a cigarette, say thanks to the waitress as she hands me a Martini, and then sit sideways on the high stool... Pausing is good. Pausing is great when you have a Martini. You can look down into it, swirl it around and say, "You know..." It's even better when you have a cigarette in the other hand, so you can stop in the middle of a sentence to take a long drag from that. It's even better still if you're Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett. And it's better again if you're whichever one of them is still alive. Faking a heart attack is good when you've paused for just about as long as you possibly can with the Martini and the cigarette. It's only believable when you're still alive.

But anyway, these curtains... Those Russians (-insert the story about those Russians). The Russians were actually very nice, even though they insisted that I give back the hamster and do the impersonation of Chekhov I said I could do. But then I got the idea of asking the Russians to pretend that they were The Corrs, so I didn't have to hide behind the curtains from those people who were waiting to meet The Corrs. And the Russians agreed to do it because they're so nice.

Band: The Jimmy Cake.

The Jimmy Cake are a group of musicians (and a few of Ireland's finest young composers) and they sound like... If I was in a pausing contest with Frank Sinatra I still wouldn't have enough time to come up with a way of describing their sound, but they're very good. Carol Keogh on Claus.com said, "The Jimmy Cake can best be described as a kind of prandial refreshment containing sweet things like chocolate, sharp things like lemon and traces of nut." I don't know if that's the best way to describe them, but it's much better than my pausing with Frank Sinatra.

Website:

http://thejimmycake.net

You can listen to some of their music in the 'Releases' section of their website. Or just go here:

www.3hive.com/2006/02/the_jimmy_cake.php

The Russians are still insisting that I give back the hamster and do my Chekhov impersonation. I don't know how long I can hold them off by looking into my Martini, but they don't mind waiting as long as the waitress keeps their drinks topped up. If I didn't have to think about the hamster, I'm sure I'd be wondering where the waitress came from.

Music. Jape.

2006-03-18T08:07:00.000-08:00

Spring days, hills and valleys and now I'm lost somewhere and wherever it is I'm glad I'm lost there. Row boats down the stream and life is B a dream or C, the sound of long wave radio in prison cough cough to attract attention and mouth the word 'no'.

Sorry. Forget about that. Delete the word 'prison' and insert 'breakfast' or 'breakfast at Tiffany's'. Who's Tiffany?

A series of airports, flights and phone calls later: It's great to finally meet you, Tiffany... Goodbye.

Here, now, prison. No, forget about prison. These phones I dial all day long, these wires I listen to just for the sound, these words I write and things I say to Jane. "Ah, Jane, ahm..." Part of me runs away, and another part of me stays and talks to Jane, and gets to know her and we go for a drink and go back to her place and she laughs at all my jokes. But the part of me that would get the most enjoyment from this situation is the one that ran away earlier.

Band: Jape.

Album: The Monkeys in the Zoo Have More Fun Than Me.

Jape is basically just Richie Egan, who's also a member of The Redneck Manifesto. Listening to Jape and The Redneck Manifesto is better than knowing someone called Giddy who keeps winning the lottery by choosing the letter J every week.

Richie Egan's myspace place:

http://www.myspace.com/richiejape

The Redneck Manifesto website:

http://www.theredneckmanifesto.com

If the other half of me is in prison... No, forget about that.

Music. Rodrigo y Gabriela.

2006-03-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

Sound, music, the future, lots of bells. Die in the afternoon, wake in the evening and say, "Did I just die?" Yes and no and maybe and no and ha! you just died and that's why your shoulder is like that and Aerosmith, I like Aerosmith.

That wasn't what I had in mind when I said 'the future'.

The past: The phone rang and when I answered it a familiar voice said, "I'm you five years from now. There's a rabbit on my head."

Band: Rodrigo y Gabriela.

Album: Rodrigo y Gabriela.

They're originally from Mexico, but they're based in Dublin. They used to play in a Mexican trash metal band. Now they play accoustic guitars. Eight of my toes think this album is better than Australia. The other two are lying.

Website:

http://www.rodgab.com/home.html

The present, here, now, my army smells of the dog they tried to put a hat and scarf on. The woman in the video shop says my army smells happy. The lightbulb over my head wants to marry the lightbulb over her head. That's not a very good idea.

I try to look up without moving my neck. The rabbit on my head said he'd have found a new place by next week, but I'm not so sure now.

Some other blogs:

http://azfad.blogspot.com/

Hard-to-find music.

http://veryfewpeople.blogspot.com/

Dublin based blog.

The Choice Music Prize

2006-03-05T07:38:00.000-08:00

Richard III. You're Richard III, in a hotel. Richard III, one two three, in a hotel. "I'm Richard III." Yeah, in a hotel.

It's proving very difficult to get Richard III out of my house.

The Choice Music Prize is the Irish equivalent of the Mercury Music Prize -- an award that's not based on commercial success. Bell X1 were the favourites, but Julie Feeney won. It's a great album. More deserving of praise than the ozone layer.

Choice Music Prize website:

http://www.choicemusicprize.com

Julie Feeney's site:

http://www.juliefeeney.com

In a hotel, all three of you, a hotel. And remember (throw the papers in the air and watch them float gently to the ground...

). No, I can't remember without the papers.

We are what the flashing lights on our heads say we are. I'm a noise-less farm of sound. Hello.

Music. The Chalets.

2006-02-25T06:40:00.000-08:00

I've never been more here. Here has never been more now. My foot is stuck in the box I kicked and I'm going to kick it again as soon as I get my foot out. They just fall into swimming pools with Greta Garbo, and where's Greta Garbo? "She's in the swimming pool." No she's not, she's dead. My car is on fire.

Did I just say my car was on fire?

Repeat of the paragraph where I said my car was on fire:

I was talking to a bar maid in a bar, and a speech bubble suggested that I asked her if her ankle used to be in Depeche Mode, but I was really just telling her about Greta Garbo and the swimming pool. I don't know if she slapped me across the face because of what I said or because of what the speech bubble suggested I said.

Band: The Chalets.

Album: Check In.

They're one of the few bands who know what their feet, hair and ears are for.

Website:

http://www.thechalets.com

Kitty didn't know that when she wrote the letter to Bizet (I think the thing that Kitty didn't know was that Bizet is dead) but (but I think the real question is 'who is Kitty?') although (you might be thinking that the real question is 'why can't you answer these things?') but you're wrong. A thought bubble over my head says that Kitty is a fool. Her speech bubble says my car is on fire.

Music. The Would Be's.

2006-02-18T05:41:00.000-08:00

I saw a drummer with a walking stick. I pointed at him and said, "Look, a drummer with a walking stick." He hit me with a shovel and said, "It's not a walking stick." But it was.

I've spent most of the past week looking at a snow dome with a bee in it. The bee looks very happy every time I shake the snow dome. I took a brief break from it on Valentine's Day. I got a wheelbarrow full of leaves and a few Valentine's cards for my girlfriend. I emptied the contents in front of her and she said, "Aww." A man with a 'press' card in his hat said, "Did you steal my coat?" This interview's over.

Band: The Would Be's.

Song: My Radio Sounds Different in the Dark.

This is one of the greatest Irish singles by one of the greatest bands with one of the shortest lifespans. They released a few classic singles in 1990 and 1991, and then split up. They re-appeared about five years ago with two more excellent singles, and disappeared again. I'm sure I'm not the only one waiting for a great Would Be's album. You can download the band's Peel Session in this post at The Perfumed Garden.

The press man drew a picture of me stealing his coat and it appeared in the paper. This gave the drummer another excuse to hit me with the walking stick. "It's a shovel." I'd look at the bee in the snow dome to forget about this, but the bee has gone to school with a bag on his back. He looked very happy. I think there's something wrong with the bee.

Music. Bray Vista.

2006-02-11T03:54:00.000-08:00

My senses keep telling me I've got a neck. This Coke bottle tells me I sold my neck to the devil at a crossroads. It's all academic anyway - I'm stuck in a tree.

The bright sun, the shadows of the leaves, waiting in the drawing room where Miss Marple has gathered us all and then then thennnn then then then thennnnn if I knew Morse code I'd know what happens then. Actually there's nothing 'then' because I'm stuck in a tree.

Band: Bray Vista.

Album: Sing my Darling

They're a country band. They're more country than crying because your ex has glued your car keys to a radiator as a work of conceptual art, which isn't really country at all, but they're much, much more country than that. They're from Bray.

Website:

http://www.brayvista.com/

Music. Ash.

2006-02-04T04:52:00.000-08:00

A cow was looking at my curtains. And then I looked at my curtains too because I was wondering what the cow was looking at. And then my phone book was gone. I really should have been looking at the cow.

Looking at the goldfish (point at them with a 'that's a goldfish' sign). I'm a private detective and I'm about to solve my latest case (I'm wearing a hat with a card in it that says 'private detective') but I've mis-spelt 'detective'. It doesn't matter anyway - someone is standing next to me with a sign that says 'He's not; his name is Grey and he writes a stupid blog about music'.

And no, the case I was working on had nothing to do with the cow and my phone book.

Band: Ash.

Album: Meltdown.

I don't know if I was supposed to use the word 'bees' or 'shovel'. Bees. Shovel. Maybe if I try using them in a sentence: Arr, a pirate ship. That didn't really help. Ash are better than both of them anyway.

Website:

http://www.ash-official.com

Music. Therapy?

2006-01-28T04:44:00.000-08:00

I won the lottery. It's in my van. My vocal coach keeps telling me to stop saying that.

I ate some magic beans that doubled my brain power. I started a rock school. Most of the students were people who believe in leprechauns and leprechauns who sat on their shoulders saying, "Yes, you're right to believe in leprechauns. Well done. Well done. Because some people don't believe in leprechauns, but you're right to believe. You're absolutely right to believe. And they're so wrong. So well done. I think you're great to believe in leprechauns." And they eventually say, "Who are you?" Most of the classes were taken up with people listening to the leprechauns on their shoulders tell them how great they are. But I ruined it all when I wrote a song called 'There's a women's prison in my soul'. That's one of the side-effects of the beans.

"Stop saying that too."

Band: Therapy?

Album: Troublegum.

They make other bands look as if they're robots operated by particularly boring mice.

Website:

www.therapyquestionmark.co.uk

Music. Emm Gryner.

2006-01-21T05:50:00.000-08:00

All around the world, flowers, a play, diesel, dieeeeeesel, waterfalls and wooden houses.

They say I put too much emphasis on 'diesel'.

I had business cards made for my spoons. It says they're Shakespearean actors. Or that's what it was supposed to say, but because of a mis-print it just says they're spoons. They still got jobs as Shakespearean actors.

Personally I think they put too much emphasis on 'spoons' when they say 'we're spoons', but no one says a word about that.

Singer: Emm Gryner.

Album: Songs of Love and Death.

She's Canadian, but she's done an album of songs by Irish artists, such as Gilbert O'Sullivan, Therapy? and Thin Lizzy. She makes most other Canadian singer-songwriters sound as if music is something they accidentally make when they're trying to get a cat to wear a little cowboy hat.

Website:

http://emmgryner.com

My neighbour was supposed to write a review of a brick, but she just glued gold stars to it. "You're supposed to put the stars in the review," I said. "I'm an expert on these things."

She put one star on my forehead and put at least fifty on the brick. When the spoons came home from their debut performance they were covered in stars. They said this was the critical response to their debut performance. I tried to hide my one star.

Music. Stanley Super 800.

2006-01-14T04:13:00.000-08:00

I've got my own TV series and people are saying I'm the next Sopranos, ow! stop shooting me. I'm supposed to say something about the wall and... the wall and the people with the things, and the box the things came in, and maybe if I close my eyes this sentence wil go away and when I open them again the dog will have run away with my glasses and I'll say, 'You're always trying to steal my glasses,' and laugh, and a vampire will be swaying from side to side on a swing with Melanie, and she'll be very tempted to go away with him.

It's time to open the eyes again. This 'closing my eyes' thing is very useful. I can think of lots of sentences that would be much more bearable if I couldn't see them. I wonder where the dog, my glasses and Melanie are.

Band: Stanley Super 800.

Another Cork band. They make most other bands sound as if they've been spending more time trying to get their wigs to eat food than on their music.

Website:

http://www.stanleysuper800.com/

Rabbits. The last sentence was supposed to end with the words 'are great', but that's so last sentence. Squirrels are in this sentence, or no, that was the last sentence. This sentence it's post boxes. That was actually the sentence before the last one. Rabbits will come back in eventually, though.

Music. The Radio.

2006-01-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

I found a type writer in a field and the leprechauns threw it at my head.

"You didn't find it at all. We threw it at your head." That's what they said.

I was wearing sunglasses and Buddy Holly told me I looked stupid, but he's not really Buddy Holly. "I never said I was Buddy Holly."

I don't care - I stole Buddy Holly's gold.

Band: The Radio.

Album: Kindness.

The Radio are great. Snails are rubbish compared to The Radio. Stephen M from Rollerskate Skinny is a member of the band.

Website:

http://www.theradio.ie

Music. Simple Kid.

2005-12-31T06:06:00.000-08:00

"Cheetahs." That's what I said when they asked why I was wearing a monocle. I thought it was as good an explanation as any, but it turned out that it wasn't as good as 'I drank that thing in the bucket', which was the correct explanation.

I looked down at my shoes. Then I looked at the record going around and around. Then I looked at my shoes again. Then I looked at Moses. He smiled and waved. Then I looked at the record again. "Cheetahs?" I said. Moses clicked his tongue and shook his head. Yeah, I should have gone for the other one again.

Man: Simple Kid.

Ciaran McFeely used to be in The Young Offenders. Now he's on his own as Simple Kid. He makes most other singer songwriters sound as if they've met a mouse with a bandage on his paw, and they said, "Oh no, the poor mouse has hurt his paw. I'm going to write a song about that." And the mouse looked at another mouse and shrugged his shoulders.

Website:

http://www.simplekid.com/

Music. Rory Gallagher.

2005-12-24T04:20:00.000-08:00

Roses (I'm pointing at roses). See, I didn't forget your birthday (I'm ducking to avoid the plates she's throwing into the air).

I played the piano, but I couldn't concentrate because four Sherpas were staring at me. She didn't like the way I was playing and she threw another plate, but I ducked. It hit one of the Sherpas and knocked him unconscious. It wasn't any easier to play the piano with just three Sherpas staring at me.

Man: Rory Gallagher.

Album: Irish Tour.

Website:

http://www.rorygallagher.com/

He made most other guitarists sound as if they were only playing to impress a woman who comes from a culture where music is created using weasels.

Santa and his Seven Dwarves are in the back garden. He got the dwarves a trampoline and a sand glass for Christmas. He says to one of them, "I want you to bounce up and down on your head on the trampoline with the sand glass in your hand, so the sand will drop to the other end, rather than just turning the sand glass over." I think he's confused.

Music. Sort of. Eyebrowy.

2005-12-17T04:02:00.000-08:00

Let's go surfing.

We're just standing on surf boards on the beach.

Okay, forget about the surfing.

I won the keys to a car. I just have to find the car. In unrelated news, I found a horse. I played golf with the horse, but he thinks the purpose of the game is to eat golf balls. I tried to explain the real point of golf, but I could never make it sound as exciting as eating golf balls. Let's go back to the surfing so.

Website: www.eyebrowy.com

Dave Fanning described it as a South Park version of the Dublin music scene. It's not as funny as South Park, and it won't be very funny at all if you're not familiar with the Dublin music scene. And it won't be funny if you're part of the Dublin music scene, which is what makes it funny for the rest of us.

Music. Sultans of Ping.

2005-12-10T04:44:00.000-08:00

I'm starring in my own sitcom. It's called 'Grey is Stupid'. I had problems with the title.

'My name is Tarzan and I'm in Ibiza' - this was the chat-up line I used in Ibiza, but no one believed me. I was actually in Mullingar, so I suppose they were right not to believe me. It was either that or tell them about my sitcom.

Band: The Sultans of Ping.

Song: Where's me Jumper?

Another great Cork band from the early nineties. They're back together again. They make most other bands sound as if they're only playing because someone is threatening them with a pliers.

Website:

http://ping.fishtank.org.uk/

Music. Gavin Friday.

2005-12-03T04:35:00.000-08:00

Hatstand. Sugar. Poison. One of these words is written across my forehead. I hope it's not 'hatstand' or 'sugar'.

I'm trying to count the Smurfs, but they're all running around my garden. A tuba falls on at least one of them, and the rest panic. They run around even quicker. If anyone asks, the tuba 'fell' on them. It doesn't help that they think I'm Roy Orbison.

'Roy Orbison' - that's what's written on my forehead.

Man: Gavin Friday.

Album: Shag Tobacco.

More influential than air.

Website:

http://www.gavinfriday.com/

Music. The Stars of Heaven.

2005-11-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

I threw out a lamp, and then it appeared on Ski Sunday. It won a downhill race, and after it won, the first thing the TV interviewer said to it was, "The person who threw you out must be kicking himself now." I knew they'd ask that.

78. 41. 17. A plastic bat. I'm playing bingo with the pig. 85. I knew they'd ask about the pig too.

Band: The Stars of Heaven.

Albums: Speak Slowly,

Sacred Heart Hotel.

After listening to The Stars of Heaven, most other bands make me want to poke my brain out with something pointy I found in a dump.

Website:

http://www.starsofheaven.com

Music. Julie Feeney.

2005-11-19T07:22:00.000-08:00

I wrote a poem about my feet but my feet will kick a tree if I read it. I don't know what a tree has to do with it.

I was going to write a poem about people who buy leprechauns against the advice of friends and family, and pretend they're happy with their purchase, even after the leprechaun starts eating washing powder. I read them the poem about my feet instead, only I replaced the words 'my feet' with 'your leprechaun'. They hit me with a shovel. I don't know what a shovel has to do with it either.

Julie Feeney.

Album: 13 Songs.

She makes most other singers sound as if they were taught how to sing by a man who does most things with a sledge hammer.

Website:

http://www.juliefeeney.com/

Music. Whipping Boy.

2005-11-12T04:34:00.000-08:00

The teaspoons are fighting with each other again. I tell them I'm Che Guevara to keep them quiet. They respect me then. Sometimes I wonder if that respect is mis-placed.

I thought I lost my shoulder in a field, but it was on my head all along. No, I'm thinking of my glasses. My shoulder is in the garden, trying to convince the neighbours that he's Che Guevara.

Band: Whipping Boy.

Album: Heart Worm.

They make everything else in the world look as if it was made in Switzerland.

Website:

http://www.irishmusiccentral.com/whippingboy/

Roisin Murphy

2005-11-05T03:44:00.000-08:00

I'm throwing pieces of paper at a lemur until he tells me what a lemur is.

I painted my house blue. My neighbour says she has a Phd in blue and my house is green. Even the lemur thinks it's blue, and I didn't have to throw anything at him to get him to say that.

I told the ducks they couldn't sing and now their song is at number one and it's about the ice cream cone that was on my head when I told them they couldn't sing. This undermines what I said about the paint, especially seeing as I have an ice cream cone on my head again. And the lemur is letting the air out of the tyres on my car. This also undermines the lemur's position on the colour of my house.

Roisin Murphy.

Album: Ruby Blue.

She makes most other singers look like they're trying to talk a cat into doing something it doesn't want to do.

Website:

http://www.roisinmurphy.com

Music. Album. Bell X1

2005-10-28T04:21:00.000-07:00

Now they're being chased by the rabid dog. Ha! 'Ha!' is the new 'ow!'.

The last sentence is being re-made for a modern audience: I've got a squirrel on my head.

The squirrel on my head undermines what I said about 'ha!' being the new 'ow!'.

Band: Bell X1

Album: Flock

Donkey donkey donkey donkey donkey donkey donkey donkey donkey donkey. I give it ten donkeys and they're kicking the crap out of the six pandas their last album got.

Website:

http://www.bellx1.com/

The Frank and Walters. Again.

2005-10-19T05:47:00.000-07:00

I wrote a poem about my forehead. It won an award. I was only joking when I dedicated the award to my shoulders, but no one laughed.

I got the following letter from a fan:

Dear Grey,

There's a flower and there's a wall. They have a shed. I've got a pet weasel. It writes songs. They have they and I have Dave (the weasel), even though Dave has run away with a cat that he thinks is a female weasel. I don't know what the cat thinks.

Your Sincerely,

Jenny.

To answer your question, my neighbour, Samantha, has been telling a plastic flower all about her pet fish, and the fish is plastic too. I think she's just confused, because yesterday she told my shoulder that she liked the poem it wrote about my garden. This is probably what the cat thinks too.

Band: The Frank and Walters.

Album: Souvenirs.

The Frank and Walters write songs. Most other bands just inadvertantly poke themselves in the eye with an envelope when they try to write songs.

Website:

http://www.thefrankandwalters.ie/

Cat. Music. Autamata.

2005-10-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Look at the peacock (it's actually a cat with a little hat). Stop looking at the peacock now (the cat is eating a spider).

I'm waltzing what's-her-name until she remembers what her name is. She doesn't know my name either, but then I've never known her hair's name and her hair wrote an opera about itself, which I've seen. She says I'm a ___. I don't want to repeat that word. She says I just can't remember that word because I'm a ___.

Band: Autamata

Album: Short Stories

Single: Liberty Bell

Carol Keogh's voice on 'Liberty Bell' makes other singers sound as if they're auditioning to play a spoon in a musical about a monkey who glues himself to a sink in protest, and refuses to admit that he's forgotten what he's protesting about.

Website:http://www.autamatamusic.com/

Music. Dave Couse.

2005-09-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

Sitting on a deckchair in the autumn sun. The director's cut of the last sentence will include Pele and a football match against aliens that Pele will single-handedly win.

A bee is there (I'm pointing at a bee) and a tree is there (I'm pointing at a wall to confuse a bee) and on this fine day (I'm running away from a confused bee and looking for a place to hide). That wasn't a tree at all.

Man: Dave Couse.
Former band: A House.

Dave Couse makes most other song writers look as if they sold their ears to Scooby Doo, and he keeps them in an old suitcase because he's afraid.

Website:
http://www.davecouse.com/

Music. Band. Rollerskate Skinny.

2005-09-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

I lost my wallet (I'm doing my 'I lost my wallet' dance to a 'who shot that pigeon' song by Coldplay).

A name I call my name. Grey. Don't steal my car. That's what I said after they stole my car. My name is Grey. They didn't hear that. Please bring back my car.

Band: Rollerskate Skinny.
Album: Horsedrawn Wishes.

They made other bands look like a wedding ring thrown at an antelope rather than at the man she was engaged to because her glasses are in someone else's honey pot, and that's why she threw away her engagement ring. Horsedrawn Wishes makes other albums sound like an antelope eating an engagement ring.

More info:
http://www.irishmusiccentral.com/rollerskateskinny/

Music. Band. Cane 141

2005-09-02T02:45:00.000-07:00

Meeting people. Hands. Eyes. I'm George of the Jungle. George George George. I ate a coin. Watch out for that, no I've already eaten it.

Red, blue, red red red, yellow, orange, red, blue red blue orange, falling out of a tree, blue red blue, red. What's your favourite colour? I fell out of a tree.

Band: Cane 141

Album: MoonPool

Galway band. Everything from Galway gets 10% more respect since they beat Kilkenny.

More info:

http://www.cane141.com/

2005-08-18T04:17:00.000-07:00

By the sea. She said I was standing on her puppy's violin. I faked a heart-attack.

Shake. S H A Hey Hey, bing. I don't know what 'bing' is. Ow my heart, that's me faking a heart attack.

I'm pointing at boats and cutting off branches (this was the song I wrote) and hitting people with frying pans (that was their response to my song). Maybe they'll prefer the song about my heart attack.

Band: The Frank and Walters

The second-greatest band ever to come out of Cork. They make other bands look like dead mice trying to seduce a toaster.

More info:http://idiot-dog.com/music/frank.and.walters/

Band. Microdisney.

2005-08-10T03:48:00.000-07:00

I'm telling a paper clip to stop calling me a shoe and he says he won't until I stop calling him a paper clip.

A thing with wings (bird) and a thing with shoes (cat) talking about the tree (or maybe it wasn't a cat at all) and then on a merry-go-round with ice cream cones (but it was definitely a bird). And it's definitely a paper clip too.

Band: Microdisney
Album: The Clock Comes Down the Stairs.

The greatest band ever to come out of Cork. They did what all great bands do: make other bands look like fridges running in circles until someone mistakes them for the horse in Black Beauty.

Fansite:
http://www.bubbyworld.com/microdisney/microdisneyindex.htm

Band. Toasted Heretic.

2005-08-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

I'm Elvis, let's fall over.

Giving a speech, pointing at a pillar (most of my speech was just pointing), taking questions afterwards. "Yes, it's a pillar." And then running after a dog.

How am I going to tell them to beep beep when they couldn't cow cow if a cow showed them how?

Band: Toasted Heretic.

92% of Irish bands gain a loyal following but fail to make it big. 7.99% fail to gain a loyal following. 84% of the 92% will split up and re-form ten years later so the loyal following can re-live days spent standing in a shed and falling over.

More about the band, and some downloads too:

https://www.cs.tcd.ie/~nfarrel/toasted/index.htm

Band. Pony Club.

2005-07-14T04:20:00.000-07:00

A green green blue with a red orange red and a ___, I don't care anymore, ow! black.

I wrote a book about a leaf and they said it was a book about a wall so I wrote a book about how stupid they were and they just throw books at me now.

Band: Pony Club
Album: Home Truths

79% of all Irish bands get dropped when record companies change hands. 2% point at hamsters and sell millions of albums. Pony Club are only in the first group. 99.7% of main band members in the 78% go on to form other bands. Only 0.0000001% become great song writers and make classic albums. Mark Cullen is that man.

http://www.ponyclub.tv/

Music. Band. Knees.

2005-06-23T05:39:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon. Hip replacement, shoes. It's a choice between one or the other. I've forgotten what the first one is.

Looking for my shoes and I feel at last I'm feet and my feet are me. I don't want to be my feet anymore. I want to be my neck, but my neck is on the clothesline and my elbow is in the washing machine, and that's good because I don't want to be my elbow.

Band: The Jubilee Allstars.
Album: The Struggle Continues.

46% of all Irish bands split up and then release an album. 53% release an album and get dropped within minutes. The other 1% sell their knees to men who race squirrels around swimming pools. The Jubilee Allstars are part of the first group.

More info on The Jubilee Allstars and some mp3s:
http://indigo.ie/~orlafitz/jubilee.allstars/

Music. Architecture.

2005-06-13T05:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a great day, even though I forgot how to walk, but that's just because it was such a great day.

I was asked to write an article about music and architecture. I wrote an article about my carpet instead and I told them a crow made me do it.

The Arctic ocean is my shoe, and so is everything else in the world apart from my shoe.

Music. Voices.

2005-06-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

My interview with a seagull.
Seagull: No one really expected me to win Wimbledon. I didn't really expect to win myself.

Sorry, that's my interview with a tennis player. I don't know who it was - I thought it was a seagull.

Who did this, why don't I, Hoodini, where am I? I fell out of a car, I'm Hoodini. Hooray! Boo, I'm not Hoodini. I'm (scratch scratch, boom boom) where am I?

You might wonder why I'm interviewing tennis players when I'm supposed to be writing about music, but I did think it was a seagull.

Music. Man. Iarla o Lionaird.
Lyrics in Irish, probably not about an otter pretending to be impressed by a fridge, but with a voice like that he could sing about a robin falling off a van and get away with it.

Other Man: Emmett Tinley.
Album: Attic Faith.
He could also sing about a robin falling off a van, but he doesn't.

More on Iarla o Lionaird:
www.mp3.com/iarla-olionaird/artists/245716/summary.html

Emmet Tinley:
http://www.emmett-tinley.com/

Music. Album. Ciddy Hall.

2005-05-31T05:35:00.000-07:00

My heart is where my heart is. Under the table. Where I am.

Music. Band: Republic of Loose.

They sound like an otter pretending to be impressed by a fridge.

Band: Nine Wassies from Bainne.

Old album: Ciddy Hall.

Songs: Lyrics in Irish about how stupid the otter looked. He didn't even know what a fridge was.

This is the web address mentioned on the sleeve notes:

http://www.dojo.ie/9wassies/

I don't have a garden. I sold it to a bat. The bat says he's going to use my garden to make a fool out of an owl who's been looking at him in a funny way. That's why I sold it to him.

Music. Eurovision.

2005-05-17T04:02:00.000-07:00

I'm asking my toe to stop telling people that I wrote a letter to my own hair but my toe keeps telling people I'm an idiot.

Music. Eurovision. Why 'vision' if it's music? Why look at it if it's smiling Irish dancers saying 'meow, I was told to do this by a man with a cardboard head'? Because one of them might fall over a gypsy with a small monkey.

Sound. Here. Now. Where's the fire hose, Megan has it. Who's Megan? Tip toe through the tulips, write down the address of tulips, get your feet back from the tulips. Hello Megan, can I have my feet back? Yes you can. I like Megan. Who's Megan?

Music. Hal.

2005-05-14T04:39:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this to convince people that I'm not gluing a Toblerone to a beach ball. I might have been gluing a Toblerone to a beach ball ten seconds ago. I might be doing it again in ten seconds time. But I think this proves that I'm not 'always gluing a Toblerone to a beach ball', as some people have suggested.

Band: Hal.
Album: Hal.
They're gluing a beachball to a lifeguard while he's sleeping off a hangover after being told he had to give his elbow back to a cat.

I'm in space, wow, I'm at the bottom of the ocean, ooh, I'm falling off a swing, ow, but at least I'm not being kicked by a horse, ow!

Music. Toes.

2005-05-10T04:21:00.000-07:00

Streets, fires. Coma. Out of coma and pointing at a pig. No wait, this is why I went into the coma in the first place.

I'm I'm I'm I am yes who am I again? Excuse me while I check who I am.
I'm Grey. I write. Music. Ireland. Words distilled to make, no that's whiskey. That too. No that's someone else. I'm Grey. I saw a blackbird fall off an ice cream cone.

Our weekly look at old age: boommmm booming sounds. Look and listen. Whales.
Our weekly look at whales: see above.

Music. Toes. Stones, ow. I'm going home I'm going home I'm going home. I'm stuck in a cupboard. I'm still going home, I live here.

New Coldplay single.

2005-05-02T05:21:00.000-07:00

Lucille Ball meets Sartre.
"Hello, I'm Sartre. Who are you?"
"I'm Lucille Ball. What do you do?"
"I'm a philosopher. What are you?"
"I'm a philosopher too."

This was my idea for a TV show. You have to guess how long it'll take Sartre to realise that Lucille Ball is not a philosopher and dead. My guess is never because he's dead too. But one of the TV executives said he'd have to shoot me in the foot. I was able to get away while he was getting his gun, and he missed anyway.

Music. Sound. New Coldplay single. Apples. Yeah, apples. Don't tell me I didn't mean to say apples. No, do tell me.
Yeah well you're wrong.
This song reminds me of apples. And old Coldplay singles. Don't tell me I meant to say 'old Coldplay singles' when I said apples. No, do tell me.
Get off my horse. Don't tell me I don't have a horse or I'll shoot my horse.
Donkey, shoot my horse.
Donkey looks concerned. He'll probably miss anyway.

Band. Music. New.

2005-04-28T03:36:00.000-07:00

New band: Crumb.
Sound: Like a million other bands. Old is the new new.
Quality: The top hundred of the million.

I'm looking for a coin. I've found a coin. I'm Albert Einstein, no I've lost it again, ow! There it is.

Old band: Crunt.
Sounded like a million other bands, looked so unlike other bands they didn't even look like themselves and were definitely in the top ten along with 824 other bands.

Take your hands off me, take them to the hospital and tell the nurse I'm on fire.

New Band

2005-04-20T04:29:00.000-07:00

Music.
New band: Touch 80 80.
Boom boom Paddy Paddy mooooo
bbppm
160 bbppm, all over the field.
New bank: old bank compared me to a lemon and threw a lemon at me.

Tom Dunne. Man.
Roadrunner. Woman compared to Tom Dunne.
Songs, sounds. Boom boom, wake up. Walk to the door and now you're at the door, congratulations. The curtains are on fire, you must be very proud. 999, my curtains are on fire, thank you very much, goodbye.
Beep beep, she knows she is.
Dave Fanning, also man.

I wear shoes and I fall out of hedges, I'm Batman.

Music, Sound.

2005-04-16T04:33:00.000-07:00

Where are we, who are we, why why when? Right now. Where? On a bus to the field where I buried my foot, listening to sounds. I'll be there. I'm already here.

Sound.

He shoots, he scores, he glues himself to a lilac tree. Let's kick him.